NABLOPOMO

Why are Boys so different to Girls?  Don’t answer that – It’s not exactly a rhetorical question because I’m sure there are many answers that people could give me. And having studied psychology and done lots of research on male and female brains, I actually should know the answer.  Nevertheless, when in emotional mode, I don’t try to work out the answers, I just despair!   I absolutely adore my male grandchildren – they make me laugh, they make me feel loved and appreciated, they are attentive and helpful but boy – are they hard work!

Raising three girls – two of whom were step – was a breeze compared to helping our oldest daughter raise her two boys.  They’re 14 months apart and have lived with us since they were 4 months and 18 months old. I won’t go into the reasons why they turned up on our doorstep almost 17 years ago but believe me Life hasn’t been the same since!   Hubby and I had just reached the stage when we were thinking – Life begins when the kids leave home and the Dog dies.  And we had one 19 year-old kid and an aging dog and we were counting the days!   Smother that thought – Boom – Back came the oldest with two tinies in tow!

I clearly remember saying to dear Hubby – I’m happy to have them – But I’m not doing night duty! I work and I’ve been there and done that and got the wrinkles! Ha! Famous last words.  How do you sleep when a stressed out young mother with two non-sleeping babies is simply not coping? Flip me – you get up and help! “I’ll deal with Baby – you sort out Firstborn.”  And that’s how we coped.  On the very first night Firstborn roared until 11 pm.  Within a week we got bedtime to 7. The only one who could get Baby down for the night was Gramps and Yes – we let him!   Anything for peace and desperately needed rest!   It was a  matter of whatever worked we will do!   But – wow – when they were awake it was action – all – the – time. They didn’t stop! My girls were never like that!

As they grew they tested every rule, pushed every boundary and argued every point.  My girls were never like that!    My girls were sweet and compliant and very obedient. Or rather that’s how I remember it.  Maybe there was a little passive resistance. And I do remember complaining about them not getting their act together and telling me at the very last minute that they needed this or that for school. Well yes – there were a few issues – BUT IT WAS NOTHING LIKE RAISING STRONG WILLED HIGHLY ACTIVE BOYS!

I only potty-trained one of the girls – the baby as the other two I acquired when they were 10 and 12 years old. And it was a cinch – On her second birthday I told my baby what needed to be done and within a week there were no more nappies – day or night.  “Don’t start too early,” I told our eldest with great authority on the subject.  “Wait until they have enough language to understand and physical development to have control.” Ha!  First of all their language skills were nil till 3 and secondly they did not care!   We started at two and a half and it took till four to get rid of the night nappies!

And the noise – and the action – and the devastation. We still had the girls’ toys – a wicker doll’s pram being a prized possession.  It was still in pristine condition after being gently being pushed by sweet little girls. But when the boys discovered it – Oh Boy – Teddy was placed inside and taken for the ride of his life doing wheelies and skidding and out of control spins up and down the passage into the garden until he was unceremoniously spilled out at great speed! Okay – that’s fine when it’s teddy – but when Big Brother thinks it will be fun to put Baby into the pram I thought there’d be broken bones and stitches and but instead there were squeals of excitement and hysterical laughter.

But there were the disasters too – and we had our fair share of visits to the Emergency Room which NEVER happened with the girls!

Now that they’re in their teens it’s not quite as noisy but I still have to yell – “Take it outside when they chase each other down the passage and round the house.  When they were little we had to physically pull them apart when they fought but they calmed down and we seldom have them actually attack each other.  On one occasion though there was a fist fight with blood all over the place which I was fortunately not home to witness – Gramps handled it extremely well.  Firstborn lost it with Second born – and punched him on the nose – Result –  BLOOD – Grandpa said to the younger – “go and bleed outside” and to the older – “get a mop and clean this up!”

Then he spoke to them calmly and said – This is not the way to solve disputes – Doing this can lead to prosecution for assault – how would you feel then.  (the younger had also tried to whack his brother with a hockey stick)

When I arrived home they were both very subdued.  I asked each how he felt – the younger said – I hate my brother.  The older said – I feel bad but please don’t lecture me – Grandpa’s already done that!  I told them this can’t happen again.  By the evening they were friends again.

I am relieved to report that they have never had another serious fight since.   But I dread to think what might happen if they both fall in love with the same girl!

It has been an amazing privilege to be so involved with the raising of our grandsons. We have been away from them now for just a few months.  They are in Grade 11 and 12 and studying for exams.  They younger takes it a tad more seriously than the older who is seriously dyslexic and ADHD – but still – they need to be coaxed into doing the work!   My girls would be in stress mode for exams – not so these two  – “Stop fussing Gran – it’s so easy – I’ll ace these tests!”  Oh really?  Then why don’t I see you at the books, Boys! If you can pass with so little work – imagine what you can do with a bit of effort!

I guess that I should be grateful that we’re not going through what some families go through during exam time – nerves and tears and fussing and dramas – Not my boys – their confidence, I suppose is to be admired!